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Eng.. karena gw lagi ngga bisa tidur, jadinya nulis blog deh. tapi tentang apa ya? :/

oh ya, temen-temen gw saat ini sedang gencar-gencarnya mempersiapkan tes SBMPTN, tapi gw ngga ikutan. Mengapa demikian?

Alesannya panjang banget, berikut cerita "singkat"nya.

Selama 3 tahun gw di Jogja, hidup gw tentunya gak tenang-tenang aja. Masalah tetep ada.
I have a father who should paid for my school and my dorm fee, he did it, but not always. Maybe there was a problem that he choose not to tell me.
sori, disini gw bukan ngejelek-jelekin bokap gw, but really, this shit happens. I just need some media to spilled up what in my mind when I was in senior high. If someone who read this post start to get irritated, remember there's a close sign at the upper right corner, just click that and done.
Menjelang kelas 12, jaman-jaman terakhir gw di SMA, gw dihadapkan kenyataan kalo ternyata ada tunggakan sebesar sekian, (intinya besar lah ya)
Dan setelah gw tanya ke Sr. asrama, beliau juga masih punya tunggakan sebesar sekian.
And he's just not there to solve the problem. He blame me because I never told him,
yeah it's my fault, I thought every father would pay that initiatively without a beg from their own child.
Saat itu, gw yang harusnya fokus mikirin try out, ujian nasional, kuliah, kebagi-bagi sama masalah keuangan itu yang gamungkin bisa gw selesaiin sendiri. Karena gw emang belum cukup mampu untuk cari uang sendiri.

Mau cerita ke siapa? dan kalo cerita pun, gunanya apa? masalah juga gak bakal selesai dengan diceritain.

Tapi gw harus cerita, karena ini gak nyangkut diri gw sendiri.

Akhirnya gw terpaksa cerita ke nyokap gw yang seharusnya gak terkait sama kejadian ini menjelang akhir Maret 2013, she said "everything will be fine, just do your best for your study, money problem is for adult problem"
"That words should be out from my father's mouth" I think, haha.
Masalah akhirnya mulai reda, om dari nyokap gw mulai bantu perlahan, Sr. Yus juga kasih keringanan. Gw akhirnya bisa menjalani 2 bulan terakhir masa SMA dengan tenang.

Sometimes people envy for other people condition, me too.
When I was in dormitory, my friend's parents often to called them just to ask about their Tryout score, guided them to enter university, and supported them when they are preparing for national exam.

My parents, never do that for me, yet.
But the good thing is, I still do my best even when nobody cares.

That time I tried to prove myself that I can be better than who I am before, mission accomplished.

When I was in junior high, I was in top ten students that potentially can't enter the next grade.
That time, my father have to talk with my teacher and I think he is dissapointed with me.
So in Senior high school, I work really hard to achieve top ten in the class until grade 12, and I did it! even when I was in grade 11 I got a parralel rank in the ninth position. Well sometimes that fact still surprised me until now, haha.
The sad thing is, my parents never there in my class to take my report result. Yeah because they live in Serpong and my school is in Jogja. Distance things.
But really, I was sad that time haha, It feels like I can't prove them.
It's different feeling when your parents open a report book in front of the teacher in the class than in the house and just, "Ok, I will sign it" right? any high five?

I know, grade doesn't mean anything for another, it just to prove myself that actually I can. Until now, that's the only thing for my achievement in academic, but I'm in my process to achieve more step for myself.

Sometimes, i think really hard why he never noticed my struggle process..

Did I skip my class?
Did I have sex under marriage?
Did I consume any drugs or alcohol?
Did I spent his money like it's just popped out like a shit?

When my friends in dormitory sleep, I have to study until late at night everyday because my comprehension skill really need some attention, haha. ah, and because if I didn't study until night that time I will left behind with my friends who already learn many things in their course, (yeah many of them take the Ganesha Operation course)
When others beg for this and that, I choose to use what I have and don't give any complain for what I already have.

But they never know that, because I never tell and maybe they doesn't even want to know my struggle.
yaa pikiran pendek kayak gitu pernah menghampiri gw loh. Namanya juga manusia punya sisi gelapnya sendiri yang bisa muncul kapan aja.

Anyway, it's been 6 months since we talked each other, oh, the last time he called me and say "Congratulation" after 8 days of national exam announcement.

But in my really really deep deep heart,
I love him.
He is a good, funny, caring father, at least I can still spent my childhood with many happy things with him that still in my memory right now.
 and I hope he will always healthy and his life is always happy with his new family.

FIUH LEGA RASANYAAA.

maap jadi curcol gini. udah dipendem lama banget, blog emang tempat gw nuangin semua yg ada di pikiran sih hehe.
dengan nulis blog, tangan pegal, pikiran lega! ye ye ye! (?)
sorry for the really bad grammar and vocabulary, a beginner still have an area to gloom right? haha.
yak, meskipun banyak hal yang terjadi, gw gak nyesel buat sekolah di Jogja,
I've spent so many awesome senior high school moments there. :))

....
That's why I can't choose my own university by my self.
I must considering the transportation cost, the living cost, etc. because I will never depend on him again.
which mean it all will be "fine" if I stay in my home.
even I want to live in another place, another city.
you can say that there's no choice for me.
But luckily, I still can enter college with my condition, and have a loving family around me.

That's enough.

Gw salut sama teman-teman gw yang udah berjuang dari semester 1 buat ikutan Ganesha Operation sampe sekarang buat persiapan SBMPTN. Semangat mereka gak bakal padam meskipun saingan dari nusantara, dan gw yakin perjuangan mereka itu bakal ada hasilnya. Pasti, :)

Flashback kebelakang, waktu gw SMP di Sanur, gw tes SMA disana dan nggak keterima. Setelah gw terka emang itu karena 50% gw gak mampu dan 50% gw gak mau.
Kenapa gak mau lanjut disana? ceritanya panjang juga. ceritanya kapan-kapan aja deh, pegel hahaha
Saat itu gw dipaksa-paksa tes masuk SMA sana-sini yang bahkan gw gak pingin masukin, tapi harus gw jalanin karena disuruh nyokap gw. Ya kalo nggak gw ga lanjut SMA.

Jadi kalo diitung-itung, dulu gw tes SMA Santa Ursula, SMA Tarakanita GS, SMA Candle Tree, SMA Athalia, dan terakhir SMA Stella Duce 1.

dari 5 tes itu, ditolak 1, keterima 4. Dari 4 itu, seneng 1, biasa aja 3, ngerti maksudnya?

Terus..gw jalanin masa SMA gw dan gak kerasa eh udah mau kuliah.

Untungnya gw gak ngejalani masa-masa itu lagi karena jujur itu berat, secara ngejalaninnya gak dari hati, capek batin, capek fisik.
Jurusan kuliah dan tempat dimana gw kuliah udah dipertimbangkan baik-baik dan gw atau kami lebih tepatnya memutuskan untuk disitu. Bulan November 2012 kemarin gw ikut tes dan untungnya keterima.

meskipun mungkin 100% bukan dari hati gw kayak waktu gw pilih SMA.
Kira-kira gw bakal seneng atau nggak ya ngejalaninnya? gw bakal menikmati masa-masa gw kuliah seperti masa SMA gw nggak ya?
4 tahun gw di masa depan, jawab pertanyaan gw ini ya. :)